Worldwide Church of God: Baby Super Stores

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO January 23, 2001 "Noah's Ark Has Never Been So Cute" touts a baby super store web page. One online retailer wants to sell you a Precious Moments baby quilt covered with Noah's ark and animals, because it's "never been so cute." Parents apparently love this stuff. Unconfirmed reports indicate baby super stores are seriously considering expanding their product lines to include nursery room themes that compliment the likes of "Noah and the Great Flood" images that surround newborns all across this God-loving country.

Any parent who has shopped at the baby super store is familiar with the nursery room themes that include precious images of Noah's ark full of pairs of cute animals floating on the water-covered earth. The images usually include a mix of cute giraffes, elephants, lions, tigers and bears. Oh, my!

Baby super stores, recognizing the undeniable popularity of this theme, are postulating that imagery of the day in which God apparently drowned the entire world in a great flood may not be enough to feed the craving parents have for the morbid. "Noah and the Flood" is the Biblical story of when the great Creator God drowned his creation by flooding the whole earth. All the little children from around the world were ripped from their parent's arms by violent rushing waters. Everyone, including parents, grandparents, teenagers, toddlers and little babies, were all slammed against trees and huge jagged rocks by the rushing water. If not killed by the violent blows to their bodies, then they were eventually suffocated by churning waves of water. Some Christians view the account as literal and historical. Other believers view it as a figurative story with an important message. It is yet unclear how believers see this story as bolstering the case for a benevolent Creator God who is all about mercy and unconditional love.

Baby super stores don't seem to care as long as it sells product. To capitalize on this parental craving for the morbid, major retailers are evaluating other nursery room themes (wall d,cor, crib sheets and blankets, lamps, etc.) that include images from these equally spectacular world events:

Hitler's Holocaust: Emaciated Jews, but with a cartoon-type twist. You'd have Hitler, the swastika, concentration camps and gas chambers. Certainly, appropriate imagery for your newborn to stare at before naptime.

Hiroshima and Nagasaki: The big bad plane, the big atomic mushroom, and the spectacular aftermath of death and mayhem to stimulate little Johnny's neurons during playtime.

Early American Slavery: Cargo holds full of men and women stripped of their dignity and human rights, including chains, labor camps and cotton fields. A good lesson in history for that precious tike of yours.

Unnamed sources that work close with marketing executives have indicated this is what's on the drawing board. In fact, executives are thumping themselves on the head asking why they didn't think of this sooner. Logic could only suggest that if parents purchase products for their children's nurseries with images from that great story about God drowning every man, woman and child, then it only figures they are likely to go for these other motifs.

Some industry analysts question this logic, however. Hitler's Holocaust, Hiroshima and Nagasaki and American Slavery are certainly gruesome tragedies of history, but what can compare to the time the loving and merciful God and Creator of the Universe decided to suffocate the world by drowning every human and living creature, save eight and a boat load of animals. "When it comes to the morbid, it's going to be tough to top that one," says an insider.

From the "news" desk of www.whogivesafish.com. Disclaimer: these reports are unconfirmed and unreliable. However, the point made is undeniable.

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